The twentieth century was a train
Sleek and fast and so streamlined
Steel and diesel power unchained
Cigars and oysters and black shoes shined

The twentieth century is already gone
Come to think of it the millennium is too
All those years and the buck stops here
Except I fear it's not worth as much this year

Thomas Jefferson was a man
Didn't have to grow up to be president
For no woman had to vote
Nor any man of African descent

Two thousand years of the golden rule
We still keep illegal aliens out of school
Someone's gotta wash dishes and clean toilets too
Someone's gotta play football and someone's gotta sing the blues

This little experiment of ours
Is pretty damn new and shaky so far
We have the freedom to hang out in bars
To buy shiny new guns or shiny new cars

There's no trains left to make run on time
But that's not gonna keep them from trying
How we gonna keep 'em down on Broadway
Let's try religion, sports and a lottery a day

This car screaming down the road
Rebel flag and talk show overload
Passes a school bus on the right
Racing that train to a wreck tonight

2001 candles to blow
Twenty centuries down and one to grow
Except for ten days taken away by Pope Gregory
I lost ten days in college, they didn't name a calendar after me
And this is the America Columbus discovered
Yeah the Vikings could have discovered this one too
The Indians fought the Braves in the World Series
Let's get serious and open another brew